A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.
The engineer went in first and was asked, ””What is 2+2?”” The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ””4.””
Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ”4.0.”
Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ””What do you want it to be?””
A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter.
The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That’s because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp.
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous.
At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: “Hey, where am I?”. The solitary office worker replies: “You’re in an airplane.”. The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport’s runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.
“Elementary,” replies the pilot, “I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft’s support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees.”
In Computer Heaven:
The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.
In Computer Hell:
The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.
It was Critics’ Day in heaven, when all celebrated biblical figures reflected on their life experiences on earth, and decided what would have been the best approach to performing their respective feats.
On the floor today was Moses’ parting of the Red Sea in order to escape the pursuing Egyptians.
First up was Noah, who said he would have would have used divine foresight to construct an ark in advance, and conveyed the Israelites across.
Peter objected to this, claiming Noah’s method was too technical, stating that he would have simply helped the Israelites walk on the water across the sea.
Elijah objected, calling Peter’s method unreliable. He then proposed calling fire down from heaven to consume the Red Sea.
Solomon pointed out that this did not solve the problem of the Egyptians.
Elijah looked at them incredulously, before saying what appeared to him as obvious: he would call fire down on the Egyptians too.
Daniel remarked that Elijah’s method wasn’t cost-effective. He, and a now furious Elijah, then plunged into a heated argument.
Finally, Balaam stood up, and proposed placing his donkey in front of all the advancing Egyptians.
They all stared at him in awe.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. ~Franklin P. Jones