Quotes

 Drinker Jokes Message

If ever u feel overloaded by life, wife or work ….

Immediately go to the nearest “Biological Anxiety Relief” (BAR) center & place order for any 1 or more of the following Antidotes:

1. Wife Irritation Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2. Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3. Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4. Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)
5. Wife High Infusing Suspicion Killing Energy Yeast (WHISKEY)

This is issued in public interest

🙂 😀 😉 😛 🙂 😀 😉 😛

 Quotes For Wife

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~By Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
~By Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
~By Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
~By Mike Tyson

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
~By George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~By Bill Clinton

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.”
~By George W. Bush

“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
~By Rudy Giuliani

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
~By Michael Jordan

“I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
~By Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
~By Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
~By Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
~By David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~By Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
~By Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~By Tommy Lee

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
~By Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
~ By Jimmy Kimmel

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
~By David Letterman

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes SuffeRing!
~By Jay Leno

“The reason why wives live longer is because they don’t have a Wife”
~By Brandon Breezy

 Romantic Shayari

एक अजनबी से मुझे इतना प्यार क्यों है!

इंकार करने पर चाहत का इकरार क्यों है!

उसे पाना नहीं मेरी तकदीर में शायद!

फिर भी हर मोड़ पर उसी का इन्तज़ार क्यों है!

 Sharabi Funny Joke

एक शराबी अपने दोस्त से – आज तब तक

पियेंगे…😉

जब तक वो सामने वाले… 3 पेड़… 6 नहीं

दिखने लगेगे…😍

बार टेंडर – बस करो कमीनो

सामने एक ही पेड़ है… अब क्या जंगल

बनाओगे..😝😠😂😂😂

 Teacher Student Joke

आजकल के बच्चे
.
.
ट्यूशन शिक्षक : अबे गधे, होम वर्क क्यूं नहीं

करता है तू 😠😠
.
.
स्टूडेंट: तमीज से बात कर “साले

कस्टमर से ऐसे बात करते हैं क्या 😒😒😜😜

जागो ग्राहक जागो 😂😂😜😜😜

 Teacher And Student Funny Joke

New teacher joined in the school.

Teacher :- students tell your names and hobbies

1st boy :- My name is arun . My hobby is watching moon..

2nd boy :- My name is arjun . And my hobby is watching moon ..

3rd boy :- My name is vikas & hobby is watching moon ..

Teacher :- wow good good Everyone’s hobbies are same.
.
.
Now girls turn

1st girl :- Hello mam my name is moon
.
.
.Teacher shocked … Boys rocked.. 😉😜😉😜😉😜

 Alcohol Quotes – Drink Quotations

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
– George Burns

“I envy people who drink. At least they know what to blame everything on.”
– Oscar Levant

“I take a drink only on two occasions, when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”
– Brendan Behan

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy!”
– Frank Sinatra

“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
– Winston Churchill

“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!”
– Kinky Friedman

“Dear Alcohol,
We had a deal, you were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.”
– Anonymous

“I used to think, drinking was bad for me. So I gave up thinking.”
– Anonymous

“I would date you, but my heart already belongs to Johnny Walker.”
– Anonymous

“Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.”
– Anonymous

“You look like I need another drink!”
– Anonymous

“I say ‘NO’ to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen!!”
– Anonymous

 यमराज To चित्रगुप्त

यमराज : चित्रगुप्त एक ऐसी मशीन बनाओ की कोई

झूठ बोले तो पता चले..!

चित्रगुप्त : ठीक है प्रभू…!!

चित्रगुप्त ने एक घंटा बनवाया जो झूठ बोलने पर

बजता था..

दुसरे दिन थोडी थोडी देर मे घंटा बजने लगा…

एक दिन घंटा अचानक ज़ोर ज़ोर से ….

टन..

टन टन ..

टन टन टन ..

बजने लगा….

यमराज : चित्रगुप्त, ये क्या हो रहा है..?

ये घंटा एक साथ इतनी ज़ोर ज़ोर से क्यॅूं बज रहा है..??

चित्रगुप्त : प्रभू..!!! नेताजी भाषण दे रहे है…

 Funny quotes

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline
‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what
they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with
artificial flavor, and dish washing
liquid made with real lemons?

 Deepwali quotes

May you all attain full inner illumination! May the supreme light of lights enlighten your understanding! May you all attain the inexhaustible spiritual wealth of the Self! May you all prosper gloriously on the material as well as spiritual planes!