Classic Adults Jokes

In life, never look down on anybody, unless u r getting a lovely view of the Cleavage!

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Whenever you see a woman and an opportunity … don't screw the opportunity!

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Define contraceptive pill?

It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy!

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What is the similarity between doing sex & doing surgery?

Skill is more important than the instrument!

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What is the definition of a Lesbian?

Yet another damn woman trying to do a Man's job!

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On a NUDE beach a man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!

Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that!

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Today's generation:

6 year boy to 4 year boy: Dude, I found a Condom in the balcony.

4 year boy: What's a balcony?

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What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?

Stay out of BED for two days!!!

Married man’s honest confession

Beat this….

A married man's honest confession !!

I always read my wife's horoscope to see what kind of day I am going to have….

Funny Hindi Animal Jokes

Ramlal apni Bhains(Buffelo) ko pregnant karaane ke liye truck mein daal ke dost ke Saand ke paas le gaya…

Kaam hone par,

Ramlal :

Mujhe kaise patta chalega ki Bhains prgnant ho gayi ?

Dost : Kal subah agar Bhains leti mili,

to samjho prgnant hai.

Ramlal :

Aur agar khadi mili to ?

Dost :

To tu Bhains ko fir se lekar aana,

Fir se try karenge.

Dusre din Bhains khadi mili to Ramlal Bhains ko wapas truck mein daal ke kaam karwa aaya..

Par agle din bhi Bhains khadi hi mili.

Ramlal Bhains ko fir se truck mein daal kar kaam karwa aaya…

7 din tak yehi silsila chala..

8ve din Subah-Subah Ramlal ki Biwi ne usse jagaa kar uthaya..

Ramlal :

Bhains prgnant ho gayi kya ?

Biwi :

Prgnant ka to pata nahin,

par wo to subah se truck mein chadhkar

Horn baja rahi hai!!!

Married man Dukhi bhi nahi ho sakta

Wife: I love you baby..

Husband: (softly) i love you too..

Wife: upset kyo lg rhe ho….??

Husband: Bas thoda mood off tha..

Wife: Doston ke saath to bade khush rehte ho, aur mere saath hi drame..

Husband: (pyar se) Aisa kuch nahi jaanu, tabiyat thodi theek nahi hai..

Wife: Haan abhi dost phone karega to 2 sec me tabiyat theek ho jayegi..

Husband: Dost kahan se aa gaye, mera mood thoda upset hai bas..

Wife: Mere saath hi ye sab hota hai, friends ke saath enjoy karte ho, badi has has k pictures click karwate ho. Ya koi aur ladki pasand aa gayi..??

Husband: (aur jyada pyar se) arrey, kahan se kahan baat le jaa rahi ho..?

Wife: Aaj sab clear hoga!! Husband: Kya clear karna hai jaanu, aisa kya ho gaya..??

Wife: (khud confused) Jab tum khud clear nahi, tumhe kuch pata nahi to me kya bolun..!!

Husband: (trying to act smart) Tumhe hua kya hai!! kis baat pe upset ho?? Batao!!

Wife: Tumhari sangat hi kharab hai!! Husband: Mere saath to tum ho!!

Wife: Ab bohot ho gaya, ab aur nahi!! Husband: (fully crashed) Hua kya hai, ye to bata do..

Wife: Hum ab saath nahi reh sakte?.. Husband: Ye baat kahan se aayi?..

Wife: i want Divorce.. Husband: Hmmmm ok?..

Wife: (gone crazy) Haan, yehi chahte ho tum to, fir tum jo marzi kar sako..

Husband: Arrey tumne khudne bola abhi, maine kya galat kaha..

Wife: Itni problem thi to bola kyun nahi, me khud bina bole chali jaati tumhari life se..

Husband: (apne baal pakad kar) Mujhe meri galti to bata do..

Wife: Waqt aane pe pata chalegi tumhe apne aap, jab me chali jaungi..

Husband: Acha, to me wait karta hoon sahi waqt ka..

Wife: Tum serious kab hoge..??

Husband: Ab kya hospital me admit ho jaun serious hone k liye?..

Wife: Go to hell..!!

Husband: Dont call me again?.. AFTER 3 HOURS..

Wife: Tumhe pata hai na me tumhare bina nahi reh sakti jaanu, sorry i love you my baby..

Husband: (Sab bhool kar) Acha, i love you tooo

Wife: upset kyun lag rahe ho?…………… !!!

romantic text sms

Without Love — dayz are
“Sadday,
moanday,
tearsday,
wasteday,
thirstday,
frightday,
shatterday… so be in Luv everyday…
Wish u a Happy Valentine’s Day

urdu love sms

Wada tu ker lyty hain
nibhana bhool jaty hain
laga ker aag seeny main
bhoojana bhool jaty hain
who kehty hain k ayein gymilny ko pal do pal
milna tu chahty hain per aana bhool jaty hain Sana

love sayings

If you wake up 1 day & were asked to have a wish, what would it be? Mine would be that our love would last until you see an apple in an orange tree =)

sweet sms

If you were to check my handphone one day, you will realise that yours will be the one and only name that appears in my inbox, sent messages and dialed numbers folder. Cos anything associated with you, is just too precious to be deleted away.

sms romantic

I’m enthralled by your beauty, mesmerised by your charisma and spellbound by your love. No wonder I am always thinking about you.

love sms

Sending you my bed to let you rest, pillows to give you comfort and my blanket to keep you warm. I can’t sleep now coz’ I’ve lent you all my things already. Goodnight! I love you.

love quotes

I finally got my past, present and future tenses correct today. I loved you. I love you. I will love you forever! :)

sms love text message

All day long, I hear people talking out loud. But when you talk to me, your sweet voice drowns out the crowd! I miss you.

cute love sms

Set a place for me in your heart and not in your mind for the mind easily forgets but the heart always remembers. I love you.

sweet love

The only regret I have is not knowing you since the day I was born – so that I will be able to spend my ENTIRE life with you.

sms love poem

I just wanted you to know how very much I care, and that you are always in my thoughts even when I can’t be there. As you can see, you mean so much to me!

love notes

You know I wish I can be with you everyday for 8 days a week and 25 hrs a day. I never seem to get enough of you

sms on love

I have sent you this sms to tell you that I am thinking about you. I hope that this 1 minute of messaging will help convey my 1 lifetime of love.

love sms

I would cross a thousand oceans just to hold you tight. I would climb a thousand mountains just to be with you every single night. Darling I miss you so much.

sweet sms

I would never be tired of you even if I am with you all day long. In fact I grow to like you a little more every day. I love you.

true love sms

I was asked about Newton’s law and I said I don’t know. I was questioned on the current President of USA and I wasn’t sure if it is Clinton or Bush. But when I was asked on who I love, the only answer I can think of, is you.

sweet love sms

You give me joy, you give me hope. You give me energy, which helps me cope. I love you darling, more than you love the Pope!

sms text message

When you need someone to be there for you, I’d be just sitting right beside you.

i love u sms

My heart for you will never break. My smile for you will never fade. My love for you will never end. I love you!

love messages

Darling, if you are the second best girl for me, then who is the best? The answer is nobody, because you will always be the best girl for me.

sms of love,

God is wise when he did not put a price tag on you darling. If he did, I won’t be able to afford to have a boyfriend (girlfriend) as precious as you.

morning love sms

Last night I matched each star with a reason for loving you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars.

i love u sms

You are the twinkle of my eyes;
The smile on my lips;
The joy of my face;
Without you I am incomplete.

true love sms

I cant hear u, i cant see u,i cant hold u,
I cant hear u, i cant see u,i cant hold u,but i really do miss u, Happy Valentines day, my best friend.

love quotes

There’s a love that only u can give,
There’s a love that only u can give,
A smile that only your lips can show,
A twinkle that can only be seen in your eyes,
& a life of mine that u alone can complete.

free love sms

Take my eyes but let me see U…Take my mind but let me Think about U…Take my Hand but let me Touch U…But don’t try to take my Heart coz its already with U….

chat with strangers

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