Practical jokes

A tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he’s driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch of peanuts, the bus driver asks the little old lady why she doesn’t eat them.
.
“We can’t chew them because we’ve got no teeth”, she says.

So, the puzzled driver asks, “Why do you buy them then?”

The little old lady replies, “We just love the chocolate around them!!”

 Practical jokes

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, ‘whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. “He then asked, ‘Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?”

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied “Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.”

 Practical jokes

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, “What are all those clocks?”

Saint Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

“Oh,” said Hillary, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Bill’s clock?” Hillary asked.

“Bill’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”

 Practical jokes

The buzzword of this election is “CHANGE.” Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE!

This brings to mind the following illustration.

Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the “Gunny” that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.

The “Gunny” responded, “Aye, aye, sir. I’ll see to it immediately. ”

He went into the tent and said, “The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz ….”

“Change, now get on with it”

And the moral is:

A candidate may promise change in Washington … but the stink remains!

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