Funny SMS Jokes Messages Collection.
A tall guy walks past a hotel room and notices a short man standing outside the room, looking in the key hole and saying “12….12….12…12”. The short man repeats this act three-four times. The man pushed the short man aside, bent over and looked through the key hole but sees nothing. The short man glanced at the tall man and with a smile starts saying, “13…13…13….13”
Why do men like Guy Fawkes so much?
Because he had a limp fuse when it was time for the blow-job of a lifetime.
A woman goes out to buy a gun.
“It’s for my husband.” she explained to the shop owner.
“But, madam, guns are very personal. They need to be properly suited to their owner. Why not bring your husband along?”
“Because it would ruin the surprise: he doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.”
Why do women really need men about the house?
Because they still haven’t invented a vibrator that can do the dishes, cut the lawn, paint the house………
What’s the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?
Nothing. They both think they know everything.
How do men define a “50/50” relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work.
If Men Ruled the World…
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”
Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
You’d be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you’d worked for, like “Heywood J’Blowme.”
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
“Sorry I’m late, but I got really wasted last night” would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
Tanks would be far easier to rent.
Garbage would take itself out.
Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”
Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”
Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
“Cops” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops.(Or to the crooks.)
The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle.”
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
What kind of dance does your mom do?
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