“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
– George Burns

“I envy people who drink. At least they know what to blame everything on.”
– Oscar Levant

“I take a drink only on two occasions, when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”
– Brendan Behan

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy!”
– Frank Sinatra

“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
– Winston Churchill

“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder!”
– Kinky Friedman

“Dear Alcohol,
We had a deal, you were going to make me funnier, sexier, more intelligent and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.”
– Anonymous

“I used to think, drinking was bad for me. So I gave up thinking.”
– Anonymous

“I would date you, but my heart already belongs to Johnny Walker.”
– Anonymous

“Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.”
– Anonymous

“You look like I need another drink!”
– Anonymous

“I say ‘NO’ to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen!!”
– Anonymous